Thursday, December 14, 2017

What Is Happening? || LIFE UPDATE

Wow, it has really been awhile since I posted. I didn't really intend to have something this late of an update, but I guess that's just how it is when you constantly try to repair yourself.

It is almost the end of 2017, and I would say that this year has been the year of me trying to be happy. 2016 was a challenge that I do not want to get started with. But yeah, whenever I talk to people about how I'm feeling lately, I don't even know where to start. Like right now, I don't have a clue on how to begin saying the things that I'm about to say.

Long story short, I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of putting out content that may potentially be something that people make fun of me for. See, not many people like me. I'm always that type of person who is trying to fit in with everybody else but whenever I do, they always make me feel that I'm a loser or that I'm stupid, or just plainly thinks so low of me. Whenever I do become a friend, I become the "last resort friend" aka the last choice. Yes I was constantly belittled, judged, made fun of, all of that jazz. As I write this, I recall each of those people's faces and how their words / voices are running through my head as if I'm watching a compilation video of how I was made fun of. This is not just during high school, these are scenarios going way back as much as I could remember. I tried to stand up to these people by doing the same things that they did to me (yeap wrong move on my part maybe), but that only created a part of me that I began hating myself for.

Jeez, this just became a bullying story. I get it, everyone has been bullied at one point in their life and I should just get over it right? Well, I'm trying to. I wish it only ended with "friends" or "schoolmates" but there were family members as well. It just became a constant cycle of me trying to shut off all the negativity that one day, all got to me (aka like today as I write this).

So what has all this got to do with my not creating content? Give me a sec.

My closest friends always reminds me that I need to show these people that I'm capable of so much more, but how can I do that when I don't fully believe in myself? I lost all of my confidence and became so insecure that I try my best to avoid going to places that I know I'll probably see people in my past at. I avoid going to reunions or "tambay" or even walk around in my neighborhood. I became so afraid of mingling with people. This not only affected my social life but my blogging / vlogging as well. I'm so afraid that my opinions towards something may not be right even if I know from my experience that everything that I wrote was 100% was what I had experienced. I once called up a friend asking if I should continue what I'm doing (blogging and starting my Youtube channel), I told him that I enjoy these but I'm afraid of the people that I know in real life to see these things that I create "kasi baka siraan ako katulad ng dati" (They may spread false rumors of me like before and ruin me), and that I was afraid that I'll experience other people in the cyber space not liking me again. He told me that I may expect the worse, but I should continue what I do if it makes me happy. I was happy, until out of nowhere I became this some sort of "perfectionist" who only wants to post something amazing, until I didn't post anything at all because I felt like everything that I created was crap even if I had fun creating them.

I was okay with only a few people reading or watching my blog / vlogs because it's a bit chill and I know that they're still getting to know me. But whenever I get some sort of recognition, I tend to pull back. I was afraid of having a lot of people seeing something wrong with me and start to bash me. See, I was not fully secured with myself and adding negative attention to that may get me a one way ticket to loneliness.
I fake my confidence a lot. As much as possible I avoid receiving compliments by being "overconfident" with myself (It's a facade). Whenever I feel like someone's gonna say something to me, I always try and talk first and act so cocky like saying "ang ganda ko no?" ("Aren't I pretty?") or something like that so that they'll laugh and disagree with me and make some other comment that I'm way more comfortable with because it mostly ends with a funny conversation. But yeah, I guess I just couldn't take a positive or negative or any comment in general about me or my content easily.

I now realize that if I do want to continue doing this, as long as it makes me happy, nothing else should matter. As long as I'm not hurting anybody else or myself, then I should just keep doing what I want to do. Of course, it's easier said than done, so I'll just take it a step at a time.

For now, I'm posting this for myself. Yes this was me talking to myself and all of you being the witness HAHA!

I'm just happy to be back, I'm starting to achieve that happiness that I wanted since the beginning of this year so I'm going to try and keep that going.


Friday, June 30, 2017

Two Things From Too Faced

For years of being a beauty junkie, I have always heard of the brand Too Faced. It is currently being known for its incredibly cute packaging and having a range of amazing quality beauty products to go with it. People have been raving on Too Faced products left and right that it could get overwhelming to choose which one to get first. I have to admit that the packaging of each product made me want to get every single one because other than me using it on my face, it would work so well as a vanity decoration (they are seriously so cute!).

Since there isn't any physical stores near my place, I browsed through Sephora PH and read about people's experience with each product to help me decide which one I should get and try out. Took me a little while but I decided to get 2 things from there.

It does smell like chocolate! When I first heard about this product smelling like chocolate, I was a bit skeptical because how could a product actually smell like that? Not gonna lie, I found myself popping this open whenever I see it just to get a whiff of the chocolate scent (Shh!). I do like that they finally included the name of each of the shades on the actual palette rather than having to keep the paper where you'd have to place it back on the palette to figure out each shade's name. It seriously bothered so much people that I'm glad they listened to their customer's requests.

For the actual product, the shades are all neutral which is quite easy to pair up with almost any look that you're going for. The colors are a mix of warm and cool tones, each one looking good with the other that you'll most likely be using every single shade. The pigmentation is good since you won't have to worry on going too overboard when you try to build up the color.

Some personal favorite shades of mine would be "Salted Caramel" because it looks so peachy that it almost looks natural whenever I apply it on my eye lid. "Triple Fudge" looks amazing when I smudge it on my eyeliner on the top and bottom because it makes it look softer around my eyes. I like to add "Marzipan" right in the middle all the time because it makes my eyes look bigger and more awake.

Too Faced Sweethearts Bronzer
PHP 1,618

This bronzer is both a shimmery cool bronzer and a shimmery warm bronzer. You could use either one but mixing them both on your brush really does create that very natural looking flush to your skin which makes it look radiant. I like how this looks subtle on the skin that when someone looks at you, they realize that you did something to your look but can't pinpoint what because of how glowing it makes your face look. The only shade that they do have at the moment is Sweet Tea which I think is the perfect shade for fair skinned people like me.

Unlike the Too Faced Chocolate Bar, this doesn't really have a scent to it other than what I feel how bronzers usually smell like. The packaging is a teal colored heart which I am so obsessed with since it gives my vanity that extra touch of decoration,  although I do feel like it is kinda too bulky for traveling purposes.  The longevity isn't really a problem for me which impressed me considering I live in such a humid place where makeup could practically melt off of your face at any minute. It stayed in tact without me having to retouch it.

Sunday, April 30, 2017

Chanel N°5 Eau Première Perfume Review

Last March, I went to Duty Free to do some tax free shopping for me and my mom and brother. It is kind of a thing that we always do yearly when my mom comes home to the Philippines. We visit the Duty Free Fiesta Mall because if I'm not wrong, it's the biggest one here in the Philippines. Anyway, I have always wanted this perfume but I always backout when I reach the counter to get it because it does cost a lot of money (because of course, it is Chanel). When I got the chance to get it tax free, I just went ahead and got it.

Price: $109

What do I think about it?

I had a different expectation for this perfume since everybody keeps saying that it is more on the sexy side. This made me think that this must smell a bit strong but I found out that the stronger scent was the original one (the 1st one). I saw this Eau Premiere and came to find out that this is a much more muted or lighter scent, or what I would call the little sister of the original.

The scent is what I would call timeless. It gives off the old fashion or early years kind of vibe elegantly. It still has that sexy, sophisticated statement, but at the same time very modern with the clean, powdery scent that you could use on a daily as your signature scent.

If you are expecting the kind of "what is your perfume? It smells so good" kind of reaction when you wear this, it won't happen most of the time because someone would have to be really close to you to be able to smell this perfume on you.

The thing that I don't like about this is the longevity. It doesn't really last very long on your skin, just mostly about 2-3 hours and you'll need to reapply again.

The bottle is very simple, vintage and very minimalistic that pretty much focuses on the product inside and nothing more other than a little Chanel label here and there. Not really the 1st thing that people would notice when they peek at your fragrance collection, but hey, the simple ones are always the ones who are colorful inside.

Is it worth the money?

Yes, if you want to get started with buying high end or at least, Chanel type of perfumes, then I would recommend starting with this one. It is a classic perfume that again, like I said, is timeless. It is worth it if you want something that would smell amazing in whatever time it is.

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